Hello again blog (& people who still check in), sorry I forgot about you for a while.
Part of the reason for my absence is because I got sick of just writing life update posts yet I couldn’t think of anything else I wanted to write, nor did I feel the motivation to write at all. I-um… hmm… well, this next bit is going to be weird.
I had a moment when writing this where I formed the sentence below & actually looked at the posts I linked:
I’ve also been feeling bad about… things I’ve already written about before: unemployment woes, social issues, worries about my future, blah blah recurring personal issues; so I felt no need to repeat myself.
Let me just toot my own horn for a bit – I think I just realized the value of my own posts (well, except for ones like ‘unemployment woes’, that’s just me complaining). Reading the later two has brought an earlier, better, mindset back. They reminded me of some important points for myself & may have re-centred me a bit. Now that I think about it, I’m actually kinda proud of those posts since they feel like the clearest version of my own thoughts.
Except now we have a problem – this segment has completely derailed this post… Try to bare in mind the rest of this short post was written before this part.
Awkward meta self indulgent segment aside.
Since my last update in February:
- March = despair resembling a post from mid 2015. Only thing worth noting is I received my first contract payment – yay!
- April – getting better (I think), though still feeling troubled. For some reason the only points I can remember are:
- I’ve actually been getting some solid weeks of work doing ‘business intelligence reporting’.
- On the last week of April I had a flatmate attempt suicide. He’s fine now & doesn’t seem to be considering it again any time soon though the experience left me uneasy, particularly with how nonchalant everyone involved has been.
- Whilst I have no intention of committing suicide (I think), I have been wondering – what am I living for?
Yeah, I’ve been thinking about death & existence a lot lately. I’ve been writing pieces of another post about this topic as I wrote this one, so there may be a post about that soon… whenever that is. I feel like I need to get back into writing.
Anyway, this is just me saying I’m still alive but I’m not sure why.
What’s happening with this post?
This may be the weirdest thing I’ve ever written.