Another Video + Update

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Hello, got another video to share. This is a talk about the modern cultural role of games & how they could be done better. It voices many of the concerns I’ve been having about games today & made me realize who the audience of games may actually be (it also made me realize some games could be a sort of modern ‘drop-in centre’ for fringe elements of society). It is another 30 minute video (I like long videos) so set aside time if you want to watch it.


This also gives me the excuse to give a quick update (wow its been months since I did this): Continue reading

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“We are hurting, we are angry and we are done waiting” Students Against Sexual Violence group releases booklet and initiates a call to action.

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Warning: The booklet this post links to goes in-depth on a potentially traumatic subject – sexual violence. Personal stories, statistics, & ways of helping sexual violence survivors are included. The unfortunate reality is that virtually all of us will encounter someone affected by this, so I believe people need to know about this.

I would advise taking your time in reading the booklet. There were many times when reading it where I just had to stop because I felt so dark & outraged at the institutional treatment of sexual violence survivors. Be prepared to face some uncomfortable truths.

To those who wrote this – thank you for the work you have done & for having the courage to voice this topic. As hollow as it may sound, I’m sorry for the immense bullshit you have had to experience.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for Friday’s rally. I can’t see myself doing much to support Students Against Sexual Violence Otago except share this so people can educate themselves on the topic, & to make it marginally harder for Otago University to silence this.

Students Against Sexual Violence, University of Otago

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE 21st August, 2017

Contact: Kyra and Monique, co-founders of Students Against Sexual Violence svotago@gmail.com

Students Against Sexual Violence—Otago Uni is releasing a booklet about sexual violence in the student community, distributed throughout the Otago University Dunedin campus. The booklet covers a wide range of issues and highlights the institutional failings to properly deal with the issue of sexual violence. It is also available  through the group’s Facebook page: Students Against Sexual Violence – University Of Otago, https://www.facebook.com/SASVOtagoUni/  @SASVOtagoUni

Due to intimidation by the University, an article about sexual violence which was scheduled for publication on July 31 in Critic, Otago University’s independent student magazine, was unable to be printed. Students Against Sexual Violence—Otago Uni is releasing this booklet after multiple attempts to engage politely with their University in regards to sexual violence. After very few changes have been implemented by the University, and attempts to establish policies…

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Existential Recurrence & Purpose

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This is a post I’ve rewritten over and over again. I’ve thought about making this shorter but I feel the length is necessary for understanding this.

This post serves two purposes for me:

  1. As a complete record of the process, thus this is going to be a long & thorough post (perhaps the longest single post I’ve written).
  2. As a self reminder for reasons I’ll explain at the end.

In keeping with this theme I’ll be referencing things I’ve written about before, so I can understand if you want to skip this. I’m sick of this recurring as well.


First off, something I forgot to add to an earlier post which also applies here.

The wish for death can be exacerbated by a long accumulation of painful moments, memories & associations where all viable alternatives have failed. This tiring slog can be made more hopeless when you are unable to properly communicate the suffering to another caring soul. Even when you can, no amount of understanding with the wrong people can truly solve such predicaments. The process may even lead to self alienation.

It can be caused by their inability to find a compelling solution to their existential horror, or their own cyclic frame of thinking. Sometimes it’s both. It’s hard to consolidate the later when you’re stuck with the first.


My life has lost clarity.

I’ve become too painfully aware of my own recurring actions & results, all of which have seemingly lead to stagnation. I don’t know what alternative action to take, & to continue as I have is just insanity. It’s broken me.

I stopped because there was no point to it – only to dive deep into a marginally different recurrence.

See, I know that being disciplined about my wishes & balancing my needs are key to living a good life, but why should I? Why should I affirm my life & continue through guaranteed suffering? To what point & purpose am I living for? Continue reading

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Hello, a blog post I’ve been working on is taking longer then I thought.

I’m onto my fourth draft now as I’ve probably become too obsessed with this personal topic. My thoughts about it keep evolving & my mood keeps shifting on a daily basis, which in turn feeds into what I’m writing. It’s difficult for me to reach a good genuine conclusion (which, given the topic, is very unsettling).

Anyway, I realized I had this 30 minute video saved that I intended on sharing some time after the above post. Since that’s going to take a while, here’s the video.


I love Thief: The Dark Project. It is one of my all time favourite games & this video does a good job of explaining why it deserves praise, even today. There’s a lot of good design advice to take from this game & video. It also makes some good criticisms of AAA video games today.

I may go play Thief 2: The Metal Age or check out The Dark Mod now.

Farewell.

Cognitive Bias

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Hi, I just thought I would share a diagram I found whilst procrastinating from a post I’ve been working on.

the_cognitive_bias_codex_-_1802b_biases2c_designed_by_john_manoogian_iii_28jm329

I had the idea to pick out what I believe to be “the most common” biases (which in of itself is probably a bias) & some of my own biases, but the list is very fucking long. I don’t want to spend too much (more) time sorting out & writing about biases, which will likely distract people further.

If a distraction is what you are looking for, here’s the list of biases along with the above diagram. At least this distraction will give you an idea of your own biases (unless you have a “bias blind spot”).

Try to remember that not all biases are bad. They mainly function as decision making shortcuts that minimize cognitive load.

The “we notice things already primed in memory or repeated often enough” area seems particularly relevant to me, given that I’m trying to write about life recurrences (again). I might refer to some of them in this post.

Thank you Wikipedia for distracting me yet again.

Farewell.

Overdue Update – Still Alive

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Hello again blog (& people who still check in), sorry I forgot about you for a while.

Part of the reason for my absence is because I got sick of just writing life update posts yet I couldn’t think of anything else I wanted to write, nor did I feel the motivation to write at all. I-um… hmm… well, this next bit is going to be weird.


I had a moment when writing this where I formed the sentence below & actually looked at the posts I linked:

I’ve also been feeling bad about… things I’ve already written about before: unemployment woes, social issues, worries about my future, blah blah recurring personal issues; so I felt no need to repeat myself.

Let me just toot my own horn for a bit – I think I just realized the value of my own posts (well, except for ones like ‘unemployment woes’, that’s just me complaining). Reading the later two has brought an earlier, better, mindset back. They reminded me of some important points for myself & may have re-centred me a bit. Now that I think about it, I’m actually kinda proud of those posts since they feel like the clearest version of my own thoughts.

Except now we have a problem – this segment has completely derailed this post… Try to bare in mind the rest of this short post was written before this part.

Awkward meta self indulgent segment aside.


Since my last update in February:

  • March = despair resembling a post from mid 2015. Only thing worth noting is I received my first contract payment – yay!
  • April – getting better (I think), though still feeling troubled. For some reason the only points I can remember are:
    • I’ve actually been getting some solid weeks of work doing ‘business intelligence reporting’.
    • On the last week of April I had a flatmate attempt suicide. He’s fine now & doesn’t seem to be considering it again any time soon though the experience left me uneasy, particularly with how nonchalant everyone involved has been.
    • Whilst I have no intention of committing suicide (I think), I have been wondering – what am I living for?

Yeah, I’ve been thinking about death & existence a lot lately. I’ve been writing pieces of another post about this topic as I wrote this one, so there may be a post about that soon… whenever that is. I feel like I need to get back into writing.

Anyway, this is just me saying I’m still alive but I’m not sure why.


😐

What’s happening with this post?

This may be the weirdest thing I’ve ever written.