So Far So Good


Hello, I’m finally on break from design school for two weeks. Now for an update.

I would have written this post sooner except on Sunday my window, goaded by wind gusts, decided to fall out & shatter onto the street. Now my window is cardboarded up & I’m waiting for it to be replaced; no idea when.

But I digress – this post is actually about how making friends became absurdly excruciating.

Returning to polytech has been a godsend to me. I am very much enjoying communication design & feel like I’ve found my element:

  • I storyboarded an idea I had floating around for a long time (I’ll make a post about this later).
  • Been learning about various design movements, like Art Nouveau & Russian Constructivism.
  • Been introduced to drawing tablets & currently have an animation assignment I’ll do over the next two weeks based on an old dream (again, this will be its own post).
  • I’ve been (more) properly introduced to photography. Didn’t realize how much there was to portraits & how experimental you can be (got really into collage & cut-outs).

Perhaps the most significant aspect is that I seem to actually be making friends. I realize that probably sounds banal but, given my reclusive nature & the way my life has been going, its just… very nice to have this happen, even though I feel my behaviour just made things more difficult. Continue reading

Thoughts on Relationships: Part 3 – Identity


Hello, I said these last two parts wouldn’t be bigger than part 1 – seems I lied.

A few days ago I felt compelled to ask my cousin a question. The dialogue went something like this:

Me: “Would you say that you are someone who highly values other people?”

Cousin: “Yeah definitely.”

Me: “Why?”

He pondered this for a moment before giving his answer. His reasons were:

  1. He’s really ingrained with the people he knows.
  2. He uses social interactions as a way of learning about himself.

This last point surprised me; it’s not something I’ve considered. I’m really used to the idea of internally analyzing myself in order to discern ‘who I truly am’ since no one else is capable of giving an accurate holistic picture; only the person living my life can do that.

Yet when I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. We all have our own internal idea of who we are, but until we interact with another person, & have it challenged, that idea is just a fantasy. Other people can make us think about aspects of ourselves we have never considered.

I guess that ties back into what started this whole train of thought – I don’t like what my interactions with people have told me. The messages I tend to receive are:

  • My default instinct is to wall myself off from others.
  • People can interact with each other just fine, but they have trouble interacting with me.
  • People have a lot to offer me, but I don’t have much to offer them.
  • There’s still a lot more I need to learn & experience.
  • I’m a good diligent guy, yet I’m no fun to talk to.

Given that context, it seems understandable now why I would prefer to isolation myself sometimes, no matter how bad I may want someone with me. Guess I’m more emotional then I seem to be. Continue reading

March 2015


Hello, it’s been a while since I posted a life update. So, here we go:

  • Game Development = Should be pretty self evident if you follow this blog. I’d say it’s been good, though I seem to have suddenly slowed down.
  • Job Hunting = Pretty crap. My best result so far has been a 3 minute interview with Wendy’s Hamburgers. Most of the available jobs in Dunedin are geared towards managerial or experienced specialist roles, & most “student” jobs are “one-offs”. On top of that, given my history of work related dermatitis, I have to be more careful about what jobs I go for; I don’t want to get a job just to find my hands getting screwed again. I seem to have a lot of factors going against me in this department :P.
  • Lucid Dreaming = Pretty sweet. My LD count is at 21+, & I seem to be reaching a point where I’m LDing on a fortnightly basis (though, like with the game development, it seems to be slowing down as well).
  • General Health = I seem to be developing a cold at the moment, which has made my sleeping patterns even worse (as in a keep on finding I wake up closer to 3pm). Fortunately I only seem to get sick about once a year so this should only be a minor set back.
  • General Happiness = Pretty good but with a main caveat…

Continue reading