Hello, I’ve gotten my second mini-project done for my application portfolio – an encounter card for a conceptual boardgame. I created this over the span of about twelve days, whilst I was dog-sitting in Te Anau for my parents. It was nice to hang out with three small dogs for a while, but that’s not what this post is about (there is however a weird story I may post about later). Anyway, the card…
A Gryphon encounter card.
The idea for this card stems from an adventure storytelling game idea I’ve mulled around for a long time, & have only now bothered to create something for. Whilst this is meant to serve as an encounter template, I wanted to treat it as an actual card that may appear in the game, so I chose to do a Gryphon (which might have been too ambitious for me).Continue reading
Hello, got another video to share. This is a talk about the modern cultural role of games & how they could be done better. It voices many of the concerns I’ve been having about games today & made me realize who the audience of games may actually be (it also made me realize some games could be a sort of modern ‘drop-in centre’ for fringe elements of society). It is another 30 minute video (I like long videos) so set aside time if you want to watch it.
This also gives me the excuse to give a quick update (wow its been months since I did this):Continue reading
Hello, a blog post I’ve been working on is taking longer then I thought.
I’m onto my fourth draft now as I’ve probably become too obsessed with this personal topic. My thoughts about it keep evolving & my mood keeps shifting on a daily basis, which in turn feeds into what I’m writing. It’s difficult for me to reach a good genuine conclusion (which, given the topic, is very unsettling).
Anyway, I realized I had this 30 minute video saved that I intended on sharing some time after the above post. Since that’s going to take a while, here’s the video.
I love Thief: The Dark Project. It is one of my all time favourite games & this video does a good job of explaining why it deserves praise, even today. There’s a lot of good design advice to take from this game & video. It also makes some good criticisms of AAA video games today.
I may go play Thief 2: The Metal Age or check out The Dark Mod now.
A question that has particular been on my mind is – how do I approach my aspirations in a way that is both fulfilling & ethical, yet realistic? How do I do this whilst holding to my own values?
Like the questions I had before, I don’t have a clear answer for this. To be fair, this post isn’t about looking for an answer but rather the affect this question had on me in regards to a major aspiration of mine.
You see, in 2016 a part of me gave up on my dream of making games. These are my reasons:
Having knowledge that the world is more screwed then I thought, my wish to make games, & the kind of games I wanted to make, feel comparatively trivial & unimportant (that was a truly sad thought for me). A part of me feels obliged to help the world get truly better in some way. I’m still not sure how I can help but I don’t think providing another form of escapism is the way.
I had reached a point where just thinking about making games brought about feelings of frustration, self-disappointment, & apathy. I’d tried many approaches that all lead to similar results, each one not able to account for my own shortcomings.
I have an awful habit of stating I’ll do something & not actually doing it for whatever reason. I’ve become really sick of being that kind of guy. I’ve become hesitant to say I’ll do anything, unless I seem to be already doing it.
I’ve known for a long time that its difficult to get into the games industry, & that surviving or even making a living from it is even more difficult. Hell, I know how difficult it can be just to try & make one game, I’ve been trying to do it alone since graduating in 2013. I admit the task has only become more daunting over time.
I like games, but I’ve become disgusted with the mainstream games industry. Cultural toxicity aside, it’s market driven nature has become more apparent to me. Any regard for experimentation, artistic expression, & the effects of the medium is seemingly relegated to indies, small studios, & critics, since everyone else is comfortable with games “just being games”. I feel like this point alone is worthy of it’s own post (I know, more to write about!).
Note: I wrote most of this back in Te Anau during December. With the flat I’m in now I’m definitely playing more games, or at least playing Dark Souls. Seems a change in environment really helped :P.
The last time someone asked me what games I play I felt worried. In fact, this question has made me feel worry over the past several years no matter who it is that asks it. I guess this is because people tend to assume things about you based on the games you play, but there’s also another reason.
While I consider myself a gamer, I was barely playing games for a while. I couldn’t simply name what games I was playing because the times between play sessions felt distant. The actual play sessions themselves felt so short because I’d spend most of the time nitpicking something, like finding/installing mods or getting online multiplayer to actually work. I’m way more likely to watch a let’s play or look up design in games then to actually play them myself. It kinda makes me feel like a fraud in some weird way.Continue reading