Update + Possible Dream Series

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Hello,

I should be posting about the game I created over the course of three weeks in June, but that’s not what this is about. The game is working & complete-sh (to me its just a proof of concept demo, it doesn’t have everything I wanted to do), I just haven’t bothered to do anything with it since finishing last semester. Maybe I’ll post about this later.

Moon Child

Evidence of game.

I’ve just returned to polytechnic after a three week break of doing nothing… initially.

I can’t remember how this started but, over a week ago I emailed a dream to my flatmates. I kinda treated it as a creative writing exercise. They seemed to really like it so I sent them another one. Then another one. I think the first couple dreams I shared was added to a zine.

The same guy mentioned there might be an audience for this & I realized – I have about seven years worth of material, with more to come in the future. Maybe I could turn this into a series of some kind. Continue reading

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So Far So Good

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Hello, I’m finally on break from design school for two weeks. Now for an update.


I would have written this post sooner except on Sunday my window, goaded by wind gusts, decided to fall out & shatter onto the street. Now my window is cardboarded up & I’m waiting for it to be replaced; no idea when.

But I digress – this post is actually about how making friends became absurdly excruciating.


Returning to polytech has been a godsend to me. I am very much enjoying communication design & feel like I’ve found my element:

  • I storyboarded an idea I had floating around for a long time (I’ll make a post about this later).
  • Been learning about various design movements, like Art Nouveau & Russian Constructivism.
  • Been introduced to drawing tablets & currently have an animation assignment I’ll do over the next two weeks based on an old dream (again, this will be its own post).
  • I’ve been (more) properly introduced to photography. Didn’t realize how much there was to portraits & how experimental you can be (got really into collage & cut-outs).

Perhaps the most significant aspect is that I seem to actually be making friends. I realize that probably sounds banal but, given my reclusive nature & the way my life has been going, its just… very nice to have this happen, even though I feel my behaviour just made things more difficult. Continue reading

Existential Recurrence & Purpose

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This is a post I’ve rewritten over and over again. I’ve thought about making this shorter but I feel the length is necessary for understanding this.

This post serves two purposes for me:

  1. As a complete record of the process, thus this is going to be a long & thorough post (perhaps the longest single post I’ve written).
  2. As a self reminder for reasons I’ll explain at the end.

In keeping with this theme I’ll be referencing things I’ve written about before, so I can understand if you want to skip this. I’m sick of this recurring as well.


First off, something I forgot to add to an earlier post which also applies here.

The wish for death can be exacerbated by a long accumulation of painful moments, memories & associations where all viable alternatives have failed. This tiring slog can be made more hopeless when you are unable to properly communicate the suffering to another caring soul. Even when you can, no amount of understanding with the wrong people can truly solve such predicaments. The process may even lead to self alienation.

It can be caused by their inability to find a compelling solution to their existential horror, or their own cyclic frame of thinking. Sometimes it’s both. It’s hard to consolidate the later when you’re stuck with the first.


My life has lost clarity.

I’ve become too painfully aware of my own recurring actions & results, all of which have seemingly lead to stagnation. I don’t know what alternative action to take, & to continue as I have is just insanity. It’s broken me.

I stopped because there was no point to it – only to dive deep into a marginally different recurrence.

See, I know that being disciplined about my wishes & balancing my needs are key to living a good life, but why should I? Why should I affirm my life & continue through guaranteed suffering? To what point & purpose am I living for? Continue reading

One Lovely Blog Award – “Game Makers” edition

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Hello, this week I’m doing something different again as I’ve been nominated for a “One Lovely Blog Award” by The Twentysomething Social Recluse; thank you again for the nomination. She’s a work at home writer who makes content for Lifehack & Cowbang. She also posts work & life advice, plus other content, on her blog.

one-lovely-blog-awardThis award has the following rules:

  • Thank the nominator & link them.
  • List the rules & display the award.
  • Add 7 facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 7 other bloggers & let them know via a comment.

Before I carry on I should mention that I’ve tweaked the last rule a bit (I’ll explain further down). Continue reading