Thoughts on Myself – Aspirations


Hello, this is going to be a very personal post (also I just realized this is my 100th post published. I seriously wasn’t planning on having it be about this; oh well).

Lately I’ve been doing some serious thinking about my life & what I want to achieve. Specifically, I’m a dude who wants to make games for a living & do it well. I want to create a variety of high quality games & stories, invent entire worlds for people to explore & play around in, have my own style that differs from the norm, & have my work get people thinking (I regard this last point as a trait of excellent art). I have some tough ambitions.

I’ve been taking a look at the person I am & asking “can I honestly do this?” I think I can (there’s no question that it is possible for me to accomplish them) but not as the person I am right now. There are some crucial attributes getting in the way, & its time I start changing this. Continue reading

Major Job Hunt Woes


I know, another “life” post, but that’s because I had a moment recently where I realized how dire my job hunt situation is. It’s almost unreal how much bad luck I’m having right now. Let me explain.

In October last year I quit my job working night-fill due to contact dermatitis caused by my work environment. I went to WINZ & was put on the benefit. I’ve been job hunting since. Six months later, with poor results, I start attending fortnightly obligatory meet-ups aimed at helping my search. I was soon assigned to a couple of job brokers, given 12 weeks to help me get a job. A few weeks later, they admit they’re as lost as I am on what jobs I should go for.

Why has job hunting been so fucking difficult? Two main reasons: dermatitis & stuttering. Continue reading

Past Choices, Present Consequences



The WINZ job hunt meet-up was different than I expected. I was led to believe I would have to present evidence of my hunt & hope I did enough for them to be sated, but they didn’t even ask about our results. Instead it’s more of a job hunt workshop, which is pleasantly surprising. I think it’s a new programme in association with WINZ geared towards people in my age bracket.

But there’s something that made me think about my future beyond the current ‘getting any job I can’ thing. In my group of six, half of us were IT graduates. As one of them said whilst explaining his situation, the problem is IT is a fast paced industry. You’re expected to go straight into an internship when you graduate, except in NZ pretty much all of them are in Auckland (I hate Auckland).

I can support his claim. At least half of all NZ graduate IT job adverts I’ve seen are based in Auckland, & virtually every single ad has this line: “must be a recent graduate or junior _”. I’m still just a graduate, & I’m definitely not recent. So this has made me wonder, yet again, have I screwed myself just because I wanted to take a break from IT?

This is a look at my choices pertaining tertiary study & after graduation (prepare for a long read). Continue reading



I’ve been disorganized as hell this week. I’ve had several things pop up, including: my car failing it’s warrant of fitness due to rust build-up, my old computer not working for a day, & a late night booze up my flatmates dragged me into that left me feeling nauseas the next day. All I’ve done for my projects this week is have a go at writing dialogue for The Spirit Child, & I haven’t been able to come up with much of that. Grr! 😡 Continue reading

Finding My “Authentic” Self


(Warning: another long post. This also contains information taken directly from an existing book. If, by some weird chance, the owners find this & don’t approve of the text I’ve ripped straight out of the book please tell me & I’ll remove it)

I decided to reread a book from back in late high school, “Change Your Life in 7 Days” by Paul McKenna. I’m only on day 1 at the moment &… I’m stuck on something crucial. Continue reading

I truly don’t know


I’m not sure what this post is about. I think I just needed somewhere to vent some things.

There has been a lot of things floating around in my mind for the past week. Some are new & others haven’t been as prominent as they were before. What areas can I find jobs at, what projects & ideas do I work on, what can I do to make myself more productive, what do I want to do with my life & what is my life plan, etc. I’ve been thinking about & wanting to say too many things. They start to mesh together & I lose track of what I’m trying to think of or say.

Ultimately, I realize I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. Seems to be a recurring theme for me. Continue reading

It is Done


On Thursday morning I handed in my letter of resignation to the reception at work. This morning I confirmed with my HR manager that she got the letter. No turning back now.

In case you haven’t read my earlier post on the problems I’ve been having with work I’ll sum it up for you: dermatitis & realizing how badly waking up at night-time every half week is restricting my life. Now I’ve taken definitive action towards changing things.

Continue reading