Late May Update – Searching for a Path

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Hello, feels like it’s been too long since I did a post, though I didn’t want to write one until I returned to a better head space. There were also err… “plumbing issues” this week but I don’t think anyone wants to hear about that :/.

I essentially spent the bulk of May having a bit of an existential crisis & I lost hope in my own future. I knew what I wanted, but also didn’t really know (does that makes sense?). I knew what I didn’t want in my life & the world around me, but I had no idea what to do about it. I was feeling confused, muddled, aggravated, trapped, lost, hopeless, & helpless. I doubted everything & got further aggravated as no good solution would come to mind.

The main reason for all of this is because I believed I only had two paths forward in life:

  • I do nothing, just let my temp job expire, go back to being on the benefit, &… nothing happens.
  • I get an IT job doing something I don’t like, become more ingrained in the machine, & become miserable in the business world; a world I loath. The “smart” path that secures me financially but also seemingly secures my despair.

I just needed an alternative path, & I think I needed someone to tell me I didn’t have to take either of these paths (thanks mum). Continue reading