Thoughts on Relationships: Part 3 – Identity

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Hello, I said these last two parts wouldn’t be bigger than part 1 – seems I lied.


A few days ago I felt compelled to ask my cousin a question. The dialogue went something like this:

Me: “Would you say that you are someone who highly values other people?”

Cousin: “Yeah definitely.”

Me: “Why?”

He pondered this for a moment before giving his answer. His reasons were:

  1. He’s really ingrained with the people he knows.
  2. He uses social interactions as a way of learning about himself.

This last point surprised me; it’s not something I’ve considered. I’m really used to the idea of internally analyzing myself in order to discern ‘who I truly am’ since no one else is capable of giving an accurate holistic picture; only the person living my life can do that.

Yet when I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. We all have our own internal idea of who we are, but until we interact with another person, & have it challenged, that idea is just a fantasy. Other people can make us think about aspects of ourselves we have never considered.


I guess that ties back into what started this whole train of thought – I don’t like what my interactions with people have told me. The messages I tend to receive are:

  • My default instinct is to wall myself off from others.
  • People can interact with each other just fine, but they have trouble interacting with me.
  • People have a lot to offer me, but I don’t have much to offer them.
  • There’s still a lot more I need to learn & experience.
  • I’m a good diligent guy, yet I’m no fun to talk to.

Given that context, it seems understandable now why I would prefer to isolation myself sometimes, no matter how bad I may want someone with me. Guess I’m more emotional then I seem to be. Continue reading