December Life Update


Hello, this update is less about what has been going on (not much frankly) & more about things that are coming up.

First of, I doubt I’m going to do any more game making stuff before the end of the year. I might talk about my thoughts on designing games but otherwise no game creation updates for a while. The reason for this is because December is going to be quite hectic for me:

  • One of my friends is moving away from Dunedin next week whilst I’m going on a business trip to Tauranga for several days (the timing of that kinda sucks).
  • I’m in the middle of sorting out a flat for next year since virtually everyone of my flatmates is moving out.
  • On the week of Christmas I’ll be going on leave & seeing my parents in Te Anau again + possibly seeing my brother & his family.

Aside from that, I’ve had a lot of shit on my mind. I’ve been jotting down the odd thing whilst at work or on my lunch break & I’d like to take the time to properly write about them. A lot of them are things I’ve noticed about people &/or myself. Some are just me pondering random things.

For instance, what is your idea of the person behind the words you are reading? How does the stuff I post here differ from how people typically view me? Or rather, how does what I post differ from who I really am?

In turn, I wonder how many of the people I read about online are really being themselves? I ask because I realize it’s easy for me, & virtually anyone online, to come up with a ‘fake’ persona & no one would know (well, except for online spies – I know you’re out there). I feel like I’ve been honest about who I am on this blog, but then again how can you really know that without knowing the person outside of it?

I wouldn’t call these ‘fake’ personas a bad thing, hell we seem to be changing personas all the time. We all have certain behaviours we want to portray to different people & for different situations. We have a public persona, specific personas for different people & situations (which can lead to some interesting conflicts when they clash together), & we have our own unrestrained persona when no one else is around (at least mine feels that way 🙂 ). We even act differently in games by adopting the player character. Human beings seem to be natural roleplayers.

I would argue that identity is simply an idea of the self, or rather a collection of selves. We as a ‘singular’ human being are composed of limbs, organs, muscles, bones, fluids, cells, atoms, & smaller things (it gets even more mind-boggling when you consider that all of these are composed of near-infinite smaller things). When you consider this, identity isn’t tied to a single thing, it is a cohesive network functioning as one. Even if we were to act ‘out of character’ we’re just showing a different aspect of ourselves. All of these personas are just a window of who we really are & all of them are true; they all stem from us after all.

Anyway, I just wanted to get some minds thinking. Expect more posts of this nature in the future. I guess it’ll be good to take a break from (trying to) make games for a while.


5 thoughts on “December Life Update

  1. The Twentysomething Social Recluse

    You got me thinking! I think I probably come across as nicer online because I choose to only follow people I am interested in. While people can irritate me in real life, I really like everyone online. It sounds like your life is pretty hectic right now, I hope it isn’t too stressful. Thanks for sharing!

    • It make sense, naturally we want to be around the things we like & to stay away from the things we don’t like (in other words, we seek pleasure whilst avoiding pain). It doesn’t make us bad, only human, & the web gives us the freedom to do this. Also, online you don’t have factors like body language & tone of voice influencing things.

      Glad to hear I got you thinking. I would have replied earlier but the last few days have been overtly “‘work-social” (eugh).

  2. I figured, for my idea of how I think I am and how I want to be or how I want to be perceived my “online persona” comes closest to what I think of myself how I really am 🙂 Of course, no one would know, I don’t even know for sure who I am, but I’m kinda holding on to it, that I think I am more myself on Internet, because I’m more comfortable here. Those real life social situations always induce so much fear and/or anxiety in me, that I can barely enjoy them or act like I would want to, because I’m too busy dealing with all the racing thoughts in my mind if someone likes me or not or if something I do is weird or appropriate or whatever. (This of course is not true for people that I know and them knowing me for a very long time already)

    I started to accept that though, that I may never change in that regard, so I’m fully embracing my Internet persona now and interestingly enough, my real life is slowly changing because of that, like as if, the fact that I’m embracing my Internet Persona would actually cause me to be more comfortable being that internet persona in the real world also 🙂

    • I’m slowly learning that you shouldn’t worry about who are. One thing my cousin keeps telling me is to simply ‘not care’ about what people could be thinking about you. I know it sounds like throw-away advice, & it is difficult to do this when your mind is in the habit of doing the exact opposite, but I’m realizing more that it has a major impact on life. It’s funny how much easier things become when you stop worrying & just be.

      Hmm… I don’t want to just leave you with vague advice so here’s something that might help:
      Whenever you find yourself having a critical inner voice…
      1) Locate where it is, where in your body do you hear it? (I imagine in the centre of your head).
      2) Hold out your arm, fully extended, & do a thumbs up like you’re hitch-hiking.
      3) Imagine the voice travelling from your head all the way to your thumb.
      4) Listen to the same voice from your thumb. How different does it sound?

      If it works for you like it did for me, the voice should go from ‘the word of god’ to sounding like an asshole, which should make it easier to deal with.

      • hehe I’m not doing exactly the same, but something similar already 🙂 There is power in how we say things also, like: “I will feel overwhelmed meeting new people” or “I had that thought that I will feel overwhelmed with people” kinda creating a distance between yourself and your thoughts to be able to better analyse it and understand what its about.

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