November Life Update – Mind In Flux


Hello, I got a couple of things I want to talk about.

Since I started working towards changing my mind to be more confident, my mind has been more chaotic than usual. I’m not entirely sure what’s been going on but the end results are looking good.

At first it seemed my mind was resisting. My fear/anxious thoughts were more apparent then usual, but simply taking a moment to fourth-wall myself would take me out of it. I even had the odd heartsick moment. With time my emotions plateaued to a calm assuredness; though I’m also more day dreamy than usual. Maybe I’m just getting more in touch with my emotional side. I’m generally pretty tame with my emotions.

This has kind of reflected in my stuttering. Whenever I felt vaguely unsettled I would stutter, I would realize this & start feeling more unsettled; probably because I’m now acknowledging how bad it really is for me instead of just accepting it as something that happens. On the flip-side, the feeling of calm assuredness has majorly reduced my stuttering. The severity has at least halved in the past fortnight. I know stress & anxiety are major factors that influence stuttering, but I didn’t realize it was to this degree. Perhaps attaining badass levels of confidence will get rid of it entirely :).

I have also found myself having more egotistical thoughts. I’ve always been wary of calling myself awesome or ‘the man’ because I’ve always linked these kind of thoughts to arrogance; which turns people into ass-holes. Now I’m realizing that they’re really not that bad. So long as you keep them grounded in reality, have good intentions, are mindful of your own thoughts & can acknowledge the awesomeness of other people, thinking about your awesome qualities can make life feelย simpler & better.

I guess this process of change & resistance is actually a good thing. It’s just my mind getting used to the thoughts I want to have.

The other major thing is game dev stuff.

I’ve been thinking about my RM Hack’n Slash & how sick I am of being stuck just trying to get the most basic of statistics balanced. Personally its something I don’t like doing. I knew that balancing a JRPG would be difficult, but with so many different variables I can’t even tell if my changes are really doing anything. I’m sure there are graphs & techniques that professional RPG designers use to make this simpler but I don’t know what they are. Also, I last did playtesting on this about two weeks ago so my mental notes about it are gone (lesson learned, write down everything).

I feel this is a bit beyond me at the moment. I don’t want to give up on it like I have with previous projects so I’m not sure what I should do.

It seems my options are to:

  • Just plough ahead with what I got, making tweaks as I go. I know, not the way you want to go for a well designed game but I hate being stuck on something when I can do other things.


  • Shelve it for now & do something simpler. I will return to it (I promise myself I won’t abandon any more projects) but not till I feel I have a better grasp of forming RPG statistics. It might also just be good to do something different. (I’m tempted to choose this option.)

I’d like to hear what others think about this.

Side note: My brother also recently told me he wanted to collaborate with me on a game project. He works as an audio engineer so hurray for sound effects & possibly music. Kinda bad timing though since I’m focusing more on the mind changing thing at the moment; I feel kinda bad about that.

Ora, if you’re reading this, please don’t give up on this. I just need to get my head sorted but I’m still keen to talk about ideas :).

That’s all from me. I will have that other confidence technique posted, I just don’t want to post it till I’ve tried it myself.


10 thoughts on “November Life Update – Mind In Flux

  1. regarding the arrogance, I had to learn that there is a difference between healthy self confidence and Arrogance and the biggest part of arrogance seems to be, that it’s usually about putting yourself above anyone and not even being conscious about it that it could be possibly hurting someone. It’s very important though, to acknowledge own achievements and one self and to not put yourself below everyone else ๐Ÿ™‚ that said, if you say “you are awesome” it does not put you above nor below someone else, it’s not a comparison ๐Ÿ™‚

    and regarding the statistics, do you need to do them now? Or can you change them later ingame also?
    and specially with such a big project, it probably makes sense to not start with something that you don’t like to do, there is alot of content for a JRPG that could be worked on and some things don’t need to be done in a specific order or could be changed later on. Whatever you do, even if it’s improvised, can usually be improved or replaced later when you gain more experience and confidence, so I would try not to worry too much about the quality right now, thats part of the polishing and eventually refactoring for later ๐Ÿ™‚ and then you will have the time and the mind free to concentrate on making your game really good, instead of having that huge amount of work that’s undone in your back.

    • True, self-value & blind arrogance are different concepts, it just unfortunate that they’re more often found together.

      & yes, I can focus on other things in a game (I kind of have been on the side) but it feels like bad practice to put aside a core aspect of the experience; doing so often leads to mediocre games at best. I just wanted to get a good solid foundation in place to build from but it’s a tedious process getting it right, especially when the design space is so rigidly defined.

      I do enjoy JRPGs (if done well) but when I think about what I like about them it usually isn’t the combat. If anything they typically become very repetitive & tedious; which probably says something about the design of menu based combat systems. The only fights worth remembering are typically boss battles, & even then it’s more because of the animation or how the boss was designed. I play more for the action than the math.

      • and they are also often confused and too easily someone who is not at all arrogant is being titled that way, when as example just not feeling like going out with friends alot ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

        hm…so what is the core? I’m a bit confused since it seems you say, that math is needed, but at the same time that you don’t like the combat being the center of the game. So do I understand it right and you are building a mechanic as a base of a game that you don’t even find enjoyable?

      • Sorry let me clarify.
        The core gameplay loop of a JRPG is, arguably, the menu-based combat system because this is the most commonly repeated chunk of gameplay; the rest is mostly just walking around the game world talking to characters. Unfortunately most JRPGs tend to focus more on other aspects of the game (e.g. story). This is bad because it means you’re forcing players to do something boring over & over again just to make progress & see the good parts.

        I’m not building the combat system, its already implemented in RPG Maker but it’s a system I don’t like. I want to make it more interesting but there’s very little I can do outside of changing the code.

        My “math” complaint is:
        1) About how combat in some RPGs can feel like nothing is really happening except for numbers going up & down, which is what the RPG Maker system feels like. For example, you get text like “You deal 56 damage. Skeleton deals 34 damage. You heal 100 points of health.” etc but the characters are just standing there on screen doing the odd sword swing animation. It feels very bare & unresponsive.
        2) Me being sick of playing with character numbers.

        Sorry for the confusion, I hope this explains it better.

      • ah ๐Ÿ™‚ thats what you meant :), so the summary is, it feels unresponsive and like a gap filler for the story? are you working with combat screens, that pop open, have menu and sprites on both sides that “round based” attack each other?
        and is rpgmaker having the option to make combat in an overland map? or would it require coding?

      • Yes combat is done via a round based combat screen though its more akin to the old Dragon Quest games. The only sprites you see are the static enemies; your character’s are represented by name & stat bars/counters. There are special effect animations when abilities are performed but that’s about it.
        Here’s an example. It’s very common to see RPG Maker games use scripts to modify this, though I’ve been determined to not use any scripts yet.

        I do know that in the most recent edition of RPG Maker they have the option for two sided combat but not in earlier versions (I’m using VX Ace). Still no built-in option for overland combat though, I think.

      • have you seen the development blog from the guys that make hellblade? I just stumbled over it and found one specific entry when they answer questions to game development. He is mentioning, regarding combat systems to research and analyze the heck out of other games, so you don’t run into that issue of trying to invent something new that might already exist. And since you mentioned the math side of your combat system, to be annoying, maybe this is interesting for you ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Sweet, this is the kind of thing I’ve been wanting to find for a while (not so much for combat but for seeing how other people go about making a game), thank you. I never thought about graphing combat strengths/weaknesses in a “paper, scissors, rock” way.

        I will say that I have been thinking about how I could design around the issues I have with RPG Maker combat. I might do a post about it this weekend.

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