A Jar of Piss


So um… something weird happened to me last night.

First some back-story. My cousin flats with me & pretty much every week he gets me to drive him to a public spring water tap in town. He does this so he can fill up his water container & avoid the fluoride contaminated water that runs from our own taps.

The night before last night, as we reach the tap, he says “I’ll bet you a jar of piss if you do a U-turn here.” The street is empty & I would have needed to do a U-turn to park directly outside the tap, so I do it. He then tells me, “I now owe you a jar of piss.” I laugh it off & forget about it.

Fast-forward a day & he knocks on my door. He puts some petrol money (more often than not, doesn’t pay me) & a small glass jar on a nearby dresser. I ask him what it is, but he just grins & leaves my room.

I put the money in my wallet & then look at the jar. The label says ‘tomato pieces’ or something like that; except all that’s in the jar is yellow liquid. My first thought when I pick it up is, ‘this is honey’. I generally mix a T-spoon of honey with green tea so I’m wondering if he’s just being extra nice. Then I notice it’s warm & way more liquid than honey should be, so I’m thinking he mixed it with warm water or something. I’m feeling quite wary of the jar.

I go into the kitchen & one of my other flatmates is laughing at my cousin. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: Holding jar, “hi, um… what is this?”

My cousin: Out flat, “it’s piss.”

Me: Stare at him, not sure if he’s being serious.

Other flatmate: Laughing his ass off.

He reminds me of the bet from last night & that he’s “a man of his word.”

After some talk about how weird this is, I end up opening the jar. I bring the underside of the lid near my nose & it smells kinda rank. I’m starting to believe him now. He apparently cleaned the jar lid before giving it to me.

He apologizes if he made me feel bad but I end up asking him if he would be offended if I emptied the jar down the toilet. According to him, it’s mine now so I can do whatever I want with it. I empty the jar down the toilet (finding he hadn’t flushed), promptly put the jar in the recycling bin outside, & wash my hands twice.

I still don’t know how to process this. He’s done weird things before (that’s kind of the person he is) but this is something new. He’s not insane or anything, but still… :/. I can’t confirm if it actually was piss or just warm apple juice, but I wasn’t keen to test it out. I think he’s kind of embarrassed about it now.

Anyway, I thought this was unusual enough to be post worthy.


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