March 2015


Hello, it’s been a while since I posted a life update. So, here we go:

  • Game Development = Should be pretty self evident if you follow this blog. I’d say it’s been good, though I seem to have suddenly slowed down.
  • Job Hunting = Pretty crap. My best result so far has been a 3 minute interview with Wendy’s Hamburgers. Most of the available jobs in Dunedin are geared towards managerial or experienced specialist roles, & most “student” jobs are “one-offs”. On top of that, given my history of work related dermatitis, I have to be more careful about what jobs I go for; I don’t want to get a job just to find my hands getting screwed again. I seem to have a lot of factors going against me in this department :P.
  • Lucid Dreaming = Pretty sweet. My LD count is at 21+, & I seem to be reaching a point where I’m LDing on a fortnightly basis (though, like with the game development, it seems to be slowing down as well).
  • General Health = I seem to be developing a cold at the moment, which has made my sleeping patterns even worse (as in a keep on finding I wake up closer to 3pm). Fortunately I only seem to get sick about once a year so this should only be a minor set back.
  • General Happiness = Pretty good but with a main caveat…

Before I go on a rant that some might read as depressing, let me first clarify. I’m able to make myself happy, or at least content, with my current life. I’ve been hanging out more with my flatmates & the social circle surrounding us; all comprised of cool people (a lot of which are musically inclined. Not my main forte, but still awesome). I’ve even lately come in contact with a friend I haven’t seen in over a decade. No one is abusing me or anything of that nature. So, life is pretty sweet.

But still… I don’t know. There’s just something missing. Something socially fundamental that people are able to do that I find hard to do.

When I see friends interacting with each other, there’s laughing, there’s passion, fun, shit talk, all that stuff. But with me, I find there’s barely any of that. It doesn’t matter who it is I’m talking to or how familiar we are with each other, the results are not that much different.

So when the only common denominator in all of this is yourself, you can’t help but wonder. What am I missing? What am I not doing, or not doing enough of, that forms the juicy core of friendships? Is there something about the way I am, or what I do, that people find uncomfortable? Am I just a dull person? I kinda wish someone would just be honest with me about it.

I brought this up with a flatmate very recently, which quickly spread to the others. Their response was basically “we all have social anxiety” (I already had the feeling that this is true for pretty much everyone on planet Earth). I did however get a more useful response from the first flatmate. Conversations, relationships, & the like require both sides to contribute for them to work; for there to be fun, both sides have to contribute to the fun. I suppose that’s what I need to change, somehow.

Anyway, that’s the key thing that’s been on my mind lately. I’ll end with something more positive.

I’ll be heading to Te Anau for the Easter weekend to stay at my parents new house. Yay, get to see the dogs again with a better view of the mountains :). I’ve also finally gotten around to getting some form of chocolate for them (the parents, not the dogs). Being there will probably mean I’ll further delay doing tutorial projects. Oh well :P.


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