On Thursday morning I handed in my letter of resignation to the reception at work. This morning I confirmed with my HR manager that she got the letter. No turning back now.
In case you haven’t read my earlier post on the problems I’ve been having with work I’ll sum it up for you: dermatitis & realizing how badly waking up at night-time every half week is restricting my life. Now I’ve taken definitive action towards changing things.
Last week on Saturday I told my HR manager that I was planning on quitting. She thought I was being hasty, that I hadn’t given it the time needed to think about it (I’ve been thinking about this for at least the past 2-3 weeks), & that I should think it over more. She told me that employers would see me quitting as a red flag (I’m aware that employers wouldn’t like me doing this). I told her I would think about it & now I’ve made my ultimatum.
As I must give them two weeks notice, I’ve stated on my letter my last day of work will be October 11th, Saturday morning. After that, no more having to wake up at midnight, a far less chance of getting dry/cracked/semi-flayed fingers, & less money put in my bank account; if any at all. The determiner of the last point will be WINZ & I’m pretty sure my pre-benefit application is due before that (we have 20 working days to hand them our application after the day we begin it. I started on the 15th). I pretty much have everything sorted & I’ve made my appointment to see them. Unfortunately it’s on the same week as this is due, just before my leaving date.
Their policy on those who quit their jobs is that you must undertake a 13 week stand down period unless you quit for health reasons. As I’m getting dermatitis from work hopefully that counts as a health reason, or at least my doctor believes it does, I have an off-work certificate to prove it. If they do see it that way, I may only get a 2 week stand down period instead. Either way, I’ve done the math & I can survive either period purely on my savings; assuming nothing horrific happens.
I never expected myself to do something like this. Sure, you typically need to quit your current job in order to move on to the next job but I never saw myself quitting without a job waiting for me. It seems outside of my nature to not have something prepared for this (unless you count WINZ).
I’ve always been the type to choose the “safe” option, what many would deem “right” & “smart”. It’s the reason why I stayed in high school till the very end even when most of my friends left early; I hated it. It’s the reason why I stayed at Polytech even though I found it so stress inducing & isolating. I even stayed when I found out about the “indie” path to game creation round about the beginning of last year; no tertiary study required, just self-determination. But still I prioritized security over freedom. Perhaps I’ve finally proven to myself that risky freedom is more important to me than confined security.
I was expecting to feel something from finally doing this, like happiness or “oh shit, what have I done”. But it’s kind of like when I graduated from Polytech – I didn’t feel anything, as if it was just another day.
But now, as I’m writing this, I think I feel two things about it.
Hope. The hope that now I can proceed towards something better. The hope that I utilize the foreseeable future well. The hope that I didn’t just fuck up my life. Okay that last one doesn’t sound very hopeful does it.
The second, I don’t know what to call. It’s a feeling like I’m about to go on an adventure; I wouldn’t call it adventurous. I’m about to do something I didn’t expect myself to do, & the only certainty is that my job ends on October 11th. After that I have no idea what will happen next.
I guess all I can do is make sure I’m ready for WINZ, keep searching for a different job, & try to be something more than some guy alone in his flat. I guess that means I can put more time into my own projects soon – sweet!