I have a life/philosophical thing I’d like to get off my chest.
Yesterday morning after work I finally got around to telling my HR manager about the dermatitis forming on my hands. I gave her a note from my doctor which explained it. He believes it’s caused by coming in contact with something at work as I’ve found that every time I’ve finished my shift my hands become dry, which gets worse as the week goes by. As there are so many possible allergens in my work environment, we don’t know the exact cause, only that it happens at work (the most likely candidate is something in the cardboard or the ink used to label them). I’ve been given creams which work to treat the rash but once they’re used up the dermatitis returns. I think he told me that using creams in the long-term will have an adverse effect on me.
I also told her how working at night has been taking its toll on me. I’ve been working night-fill for eight months now. I don’t mind the job itself, it’s quite straightforward, & the people are fairly decent. My main problem with it is that it means I’m awake when everyone else is asleep or at university, & I’m asleep when people are at their freest & when social events are happening. I’ve tried different sleeping patterns & sleeping at different times in an effort to compensate for this but it hasn’t helped much & has only made it harder to wake up at night-time (if you have a hard time waking up in the morning, waking at night-time is even harder). The main reason I’m still living where I am, instead of moving on, is to improve my social skills & prove that I can find a group of friends on my own while still being around people who care about me. I’m finding out, more & more, that working at night is hindering me from doing this. I’m seriously considering quitting.
Hence, for about the past month, I’ve been hunting for a new job (it’s no secret with my current employers so I guess its fine to say it here.). So far there have barely been any vacancies in town with only a few places taking my CV. I’m told that jobs won’t turn up till summer when students start to leave. This is the main reason why I’ve slowed down lately in terms of progress.
After bringing up these two points with the HR manager she sees two outcomes: I’m either transferred to a position that may not give me dermatitis (most likely trolley boy, which I don’t mind), or I’m sacked. At present there are no vacancies where I work so, unless someone is willing to swap places with me, the later will most likely happen. I’ve been told that its better to quit than get sacked/fired so I may end up doing that anyway. Either way, it seems like I probably only have a few weeks left of working night-fill.
During our talk she also put my situation into context. While she acknowledges that my dermatitis is an issue, life is going pretty easy on me. I work four days a week for only five hours each, I have a Bachelor’s degree that can get me a better job (even if all the current jobs for someone at my level are outside of where I live), I don’t have university or a family to stress over, & the job itself is pretty straightforward. There are people who work night jobs in shifts that mess with their sleep, that contend with the problems I don’t have, & yet don’t complain. I have it really easy, & yet I am complaining. It makes me feel a like an asshole.
Then again, is it really so wrong of me to try & make things better for myself. If I don’t complain would anyone be willing to help me? Would they even know? The fact remains that:
- What I have felt in the recent past is real (you can’t really fake a feeling, only misinterpret it. I wonder, if we could see mental & spiritual injuries like we can physical ones, how would society work differently?).
- Something in my current work environment is affecting my hands in a negative way.
I can’t do anything for those forced to work night jobs, these people have to make do with the cards they have been dealt with just like I have to, & I can’t help the unfortunate by being like them. At least I’ve put in motion something that will change the situation, right?
So that’s what’s happening in my life right now. I hope there is some job waiting for me when I leave night-fill though that’s looking unlikely. I’m going to need to check with WINZ to see how they view my situation. If things don’t turn out as I hope they do then things are going to get really complicated.
I’m not using this as an excuse to stop doing my current projects (if I did then I should consider a different interest) but for the next while who knows what’s going to happen. There will be a Three Moons update shortly.